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From BUBBA BEGONIA AND THE
MUDMEN OF THE KOOLA BOOLA
A book for children (ages 8 and up) by Gerry
O'Brien
Illustrations by Brenda Jones
CHAPTER ONE: THE THREE STINKATEERS
"Make way for the Skunkinator!" hollered
Rad Chad Disco as he and Harold Haymow followed Bubba down the street.
Bubba clutched a shoebox wrapped in fancy blue paper and tied with
a shiny silver ribbon.
"Oh man! I don't know about this," moaned
Bubba. "You just don't mess with Moonbaby Orbit. This could
be really dangerous."
"You're tryin' to chicken out 'cause you like
her, aren't ya?" teased Harold. "She's your girlie friend."
He flapped his arms like a chicken. "Puuuk,
puk puk puk puk!"
"Hubba hubba, he's our Bubba, He's a boy and
he's in lubba!" sang Rad Chad.
"She is not my girlfriend!" protested
Bubba. "And I'm not 'in lubba,' you idiot!"
They were on their way to the home of Margo Marvelous
where Moonbaby Orbit was visiting.
Bubba tightened his grip on the box.
It contained a stink bomb called "The Skunkinator!"
The boys read about it on the back of a Wacky Walter
comic book and sent away for it. It looked like an ordinary spray
can but in bright red letters it said, "READ THE INSTRUCTIONS
FIRST!" It warned that when you pulled the top off the can,
unless you knew "The Secret Twist," it was almost impossible
to put back on.
They placed "The Skunkinator!" in a shoebox
and rigged it so that when you pulled the top off the box, you would
pull the cap off the stink bomb.
Harold, wearing his usual bib-style overalls and
a plaid shirt, spoke around the piece of straw that hung from the
side of his mouth. "It's gonna be a great big beautiful day!
I can smell it in the air!"
Rad Chad tugged at the lapels of his shimmering
white Elvis suit with its high collar and sparkling gold trim. He
burst into song:
Margo and Moonbaby rinkety stink.
We bought you a gift but it's not what you think.
If yer expecting a little red rose,
Ya better get set for a kick in the nose.
Those little ol' girls won't be smelling so sweet,
More like a skunk or a baboony's feet.
Hang them up on the outhouse door,
Rinkety stink and stinky galore.
"Careful with that little stink-baby, Bubba,
my boy!" said Harold. "We don't want it going off before
we give it to Margo and Moonbaby."
Margo Marvelous and Moonbaby Orbit were in the same
class as the boys. The two girls were best friends. Margo was a
fussy little girl who always wore cute frilly dresses and white
ribbons in her long curly hair. Every year she made herself the
teacher's pet and loved snitching on the boys.
Moonbaby hated little frilly dresses. Black leather,
purple plastic, stripes, polka dots, dazzling neon colours, and
jewellery of every size and shape were the things she liked. She
changed her hair colour every week. This week it was blue. She was
no one's pet.
Everyone was careful around Moonbaby. She could
be a very unpredictable girl.
They were now two houses away from Margo's. They
knew that Margo and Moonbaby were alone in the house this afternoon,
while Margo's parents went shopping.
"Okay, hold it here! Which one of you guys
is going to take this little stink bomb up onto Margo's porch and
ring her doorbell, huh?" said Bubba. "I carried it all
the way from my house, so one of you two has to do it. It's only
fair!"
"Puuuk, puk puk puk puk!" clucked Harold,
flapping his arms.
"Hubba hubba, he's our Bubba.
He's a boy and he's in lubba!" sang Rad Chad.
"I am not a chicken and I'm not in lubba!"
Bubba tucked the box under his arm like a football
and stomped towards Margo's front door.
Harold and Rad Chad leaped into the bushes alongside
the house.
Bubba set the box on the Welcome mat, pushed the
doorbell, and leaped down the stairs. He streaked across the lawn
and dove headfirst into the bushes beside Harold and Rad Chad.
Seconds later, Margo opened the door.
"Moonbaby, look! Moonbaby, look! Somebody left
me a present! I just love surprises," she cried, clapping her
hands.
"Like, wow!" said Moonbaby reaching down
to pick it up. "There's, like, a note attached. This looks
like Bubba's printing. It says -
Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
I bought you this gift.
Cause it smells just like you.
"It's signed, 'A Secret Admirer.'"
Bubba thought maybe she sounded a little jealous.
"Bring it inside! Bring it inside!" squealed
Margo.
The two girls disappeared into the house, slamming
the door behind them.
In the bushes, Rad Chad whispered, "Okay, they're
tearing off our nice shiny paper!"
Harold giggled, "Now they're lifting the top
off the box!"
"And now-," yelled Bubba. "They're skunkified!"
At that instant the front door burst open and Margo
and Moonbaby, engulfed in a great billowing explosion of foul nauseating
smoke, hurled themselves down the steps and stumbled, gagging, onto
the lawn.
"Ew, my nose! Ew, my nose!" screeched
Margo, slapping her dress and hair as if under attack by a swarm
of angry bees.
"I'm gonna, like, rip their ears off!"
howled Moonbaby.
For a few seconds the boys gaped in stunned silence.
Then Rad Chad sprang to his feet, "The Three Stinkateers strike
again!"
The boys rolled onto the lawn clutching their sides
in uncontrollable laughter.
Moonbaby staggered to her feet. Her bloodshot eyes
glared across the yard. She raised her quivering fists. "Bubba,
Harold, Rad Chad!" she roared. "I am like really, really,
really mad!"
She charged at them like a howling banshee, "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
"Run for your life!" hollered Bubba,
and the three boys scrambled to their feet and raced like terrified
puppies down the street. She chased and howled at them for seven
blocks before stumbling to a halt in a fit of coughing. The boys
disappeared around the corner.
"I'm gonna mash you like a potato, Bubba, Harold,
and Rad Chad!" she yelled at the empty street.
A sequel to Bubba Begonia,
You'll Be Sorry!
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